When I was a Little Boy
by Clea Person
Summary: The moment Ivan meet Yao, he knew he was the one for him. A young Ivan meets Yao and declares him the love of his life.


Title: When I was a little boy  
>Character(s) or Pairing(s): Ivan Braginski x Wang Yao (RussiaxChina)<br>Rating: No rating  
>Warnings: Mentions of rape and violence<br>Summary: The moment Ivan meet Yao, he knew he was the one for him. A young Ivan meets Yao and declares him the love of his life.

When I was a little boy

"When I was a little boy, just a tiny little nation, I was cast away from my home and family, to obey to my duties of a nation. I was so small and so spoiled by my older sister Katyusha, and we all lived to happy with our simple life, the three of us, but soon the dream was over and my lands were taken by the nation of Mongolia. I was so clueless of what was happening, I just knew I was scared and I didn't want to go, the weather was cold, colder than usually, and the snow just kept on falling. When I was taken inside the big tent, by my boss, I saw an angel in the snow, its vests were so long, floating gently in the air, and its hair was beautiful dark like the night, but so light and pure…My eyes kept gazing in the direction of the angel, and for a second, he looked at me and smiled a warm melting smile between the cold air, my skipped a beat in that exact moment, as my hand was pulled to walk toward the tent, I lost the sigh of my angel. As I walked inside I was frighten by a horrible man, tall and cold, with a frowned expression a prominent beard and a piercing gaze, that would be my new master, and my boss told me, that scary looking man, that smiled at me with greedy eyes. "Mine, finally!" He screamed, claiming my lands to himself. But soon the angel I saw outside, was next to that man, sweet and pure, near all the evil in the world. I learn his name was Yao and he would be living together with me. In that cold room, filled with a dark presence, only he smiled at me, only he looked at me as a child and not as a prize. The Mongolian kept on screaming how he won all the power he needed. I could only see that little light, in all the darkness, hoping to touch it.

The man and I grew attached; Mongolia was always away on his conquests and business, which left the two of us alone together. I fell in love with him, but at the time I thought it was normal, I thought I just wanted to be with him because I felt safe. But as time passed by, the few years we lived together I started realizing I wanted more than salvation. I wanted to be spoiled with his love, to love him back and protect him. I couldn't help it, after all, he was pleasant, sweet and kind, very motherly, always taking care of me as if I was his child. Risking his body and honor for me. Sometimes the monstrous man would make me watch them, their bodies together, as he forced himself on Yao, torturing him… torturing me. Yao was my love, yet his body belongs to another… jealousy would take over me each time I saw them, my will to kill Mongolia was bigger and bigger. I had to become strong, for the sake of both of us, I had too. I started to protect him in all I could. I was still so little but I would reach everywhere just to save him, for he was my only little light in the middle of all that darkness of my life, I had to protect my only salvation from insanity. He always was, he always will be.

"- I love Yao! – I screamed through my lungs, so he could hear loud and clear how serious I was about him, one of the nights Mongolia wasn't home and we could sleep together, Yao and I. – I love you and I will always protect you from Mongolia! T-Then… when… Ivan and Yao are free… Ivan will marry Yao… and we will always be together… be-because I love Yao… – Slowly my voice grew smaller, I was nervous and shy, I was a foolish child, in love with another like me, who knew my pain and cared for me. I grabbed tightly at the end of my night gown and stared down at it, pulling and tugging on it, a crimson growing on my cheeks, making me feel so sick and feverish. Yao smiled at me after his initial shock, a smile I peeked from the corner of my eye. If he smiled, perhaps he was happy at my proposal, that was my initial thought, but then it was clear for me that he misunderstood my feelings for him, thinking they were only the normal feelings of a child to a mother figure. "-Oh I love you too Ivan, very much! But we don't have to get married. We can always be together, we can always be friends. I will always take care of you and you can always be my knight." His warm hands wrapped around my tiny cold ones, warming them so quickly, so as my heart. But even though I didn't quite understood what he meant, I wanted to show him how serious I was. And only then after this little gesture he realized what kind of love it was. . I looked up at him, eager to stay with him and claim him mine, my lips pouted as I raised up high enough to press them against Yao's lips. That was our first kiss. The first share of feelings from a lonely and needy little heart. I just wanted him to take my heart and keep it safe.

A little surprised gasp left his lips after the small peck, his eyebrows furrowed as slowly he realized what it truly was. "-Oh Ivan…" He held my tiny body close to his, and I closed my eyes, happy and content, sighing as my feelings, or so I thought were accepted by him. But then he continued. "- I love you too, I really do, my little knight…but… I don't like to be held captive, I don't like to be held like… a prisoner. I like to be free, so I cannot marry you, but… I will always love you and you can always be my knight, alright?" For me those words meant so little at the time. But years later they would come and haunt me, curse me, for I couldn't understand why he was so stubborn. I nodded slowly, my dreams melting away in the heat of his body, slowly dragging me to fall asleep. I was happy, I had Yao with me and I could be forever with him.

After an unfortunate event, Yao and I were drift apart for fifty years. I was Mongolia's new soldier boy. All his battles I fought them for him. He was growing weaker than me, and for every battle I was growing stronger. I knew no love or affection during those years, all I had was the faint hope I would see him again. The man I loved. I was a teenager by then, I had grown much taller and stronger. Mongolia now had the habit to abuse me sexually. I meet all kinds of pain in his arms. But still the faint hope, love and devotion for Yao kept me fighting for both our freedom.

But the day came. The day Yao came to visit Mongolia to his war lair. We were reunited again.

"You've grown taller… so much taller. You're as tall as me." He said smiling his usual bright smile as he moved his hand over our heads. Was it normal? He just saw me after 50 years and he hasn't even said he missed me, or hugged me close, and how I wanted for him to hug me. He was the reason I was still alive and I hadn't given up of fighting. Was I that unimportant to him? Or maybe his feelings for me had grown weaker. After all we hadn't seen each other for so long and I was so different.

"You look the same…" I almost mumbled. My head lowered and my eyes looked at the end of Yao's vests. He was still as beautiful as I remembered, a beautiful strong man, with a wild spirit and a light around him able to attract me to him as a moth. Deadly. He was so deadly to me on that moment. "I…" My heart was ready to say I missed him, but in my head that wasn't the best option. "I… have grown much stronger now. I'm ready to save us both." My gaze rose up again, meeting Yao's eyes as I spoke. His smile vanished, his expression, though soften.

"Yes… yes you are so much stronger, I can tell just from looking at you. You have been being brave Ivan, and I'm proud of you." He spoke, quietly shifting his eyes, almost avoiding my own.

"Just watch me… you'll see, I'll end him, and we can… we can be happy." I loved him, I loved him so much, and even if it was unrequited I would fight for his love. I would have set us both free and he would fall in love with me for it. He would give himself to me, and just as I told him when I was little… I would marry him.

That same week, as Mongolia left Yao on his bed, resting like his queen, the man sneak into my room, like he would always do, silently, ready to undress me and rape me like one of his whores. But that night I was ready, and as Mongolia walked inside my dark cold room, I pierced his back with the dagger I stole from a guard. A deep and clean cut; with all the hate I had for him. As he faded away, he spoke to me. "You have grown perfect… just like me."

His words made me angry. I wasn't like him. I would never be like him! But as time passed by, I came to realize he was right. I became horrible just like him, maybe worse than him, but it was his entire fault.

"We're free."

I spoke, feeling my heart lighter than ever. The morning was pure and clean. The sky was blue and it seemed like all the worries in the world would now fade away.

"Yes. I am thankful to you, you helped me to achieve freedom and there's nothing I could ever give you to thank you for what you di—"

I fell on my knees and grabbed Yao's hand gently, screaming out loud for him, interrupting his words. "Marry me. That's all I want. For you to be mine, for us to be together."

"Ivan…" He didn't even move, and the words he spoke after I could never forget them. He just stood there, looking down at me, pity on his eyes. "You know we cannot marry. I cannot belong to someone when I just got free. I'm not fit to settle down and be a dreamer in love. You have your whole life ahead of you, you can become so much stronger." He gently pulled his hand away only to caress my cheeks. "I will always be your friend though. I really am thankful for what you just did."

"No…" I refused to accept an ending just like that. All the tales and stories he read t me as I was a child had a happy ending. The knight saves the queen, they fall in love. Live happily ever after. "You cannot do this to me… I love you! Don't you love me? Don't you love me too? You said you loved me… you lied!" Storming up, I quickly caught Yao in my arms, pushing him against the wall, pressing his body between it and my body. He was so warm…

But then I was surprised by his warm hands around me, embracing me. "It must have been hard on you Ivan. You deserve all the happiness in the world, and I cannot give it to you. I want my freedom. But you know what? You'll be forever my knight on shinny armor. Thank you Ivan. Thank you my knight… "

He smiled at me, and gently pulled away, disappearing from my life once again.

When I was just a little boy, I feel in love with the most beautiful man on earth. He was free as a bird and strong as fire.


End file.
